My Essay

If one talks of academics, I never was a bright student. Not that I was dumb,
but somehow I was never interested in studying — English and Maths being  my
two most-hated subjects. Come to think of it, I graduated to be an engineer!
I often shake my head in total disbelief as to how I managed that feat!
As far as grades were concerned, I just managed to stay afloat. To add to my other distractions, I hold the girls in my class responsible for this mediocre performance  in school!

No, don’t start thinking about the Romeo in me! It was their hair or their hairstyle!
You see, it was customary for the girls to occupy the front few benches so that they had their back to us boys. Now, some of them had long hair, while others had plaits and yet  others had sort of woven their’s to form beautiful buns. It was very difficult for me, the
sole judge, to decide whose presentation was the best! And inevitably, while I was  seriously engrossed in deciding who the winner was, the  teacher would suddenly ask me  a question, catching me unawares. Poor me, not knowing the answer, would be humiliated  in front of the entire class, including those sweet girls. Ah, talking about those girls, not one  of them could really be called pretty but then, as a saying in my language goes, at sixteen  even a she donkey looks pretty! Well, none of them was sixteen then, but… umm, nearing  it!!!

Now, I have been talking about everything else but the subject of this post, which is my essay. As mentioned before, I only managed average grades in all subjects. One day, we  were asked to write an essay on “MY  FATHER”. In my enthusiasm and innocence (now now, don’t raise your eyebrows, once upon a time, I was innocent too!) I depicted him just  exactly as I perceived him to be – a very stern and angry man whose scolding was enough  to make me wet my pants! (He never, ever raised his hand). And his scolding was always  justified because of my poor grades. As it happened, I got an ‘A’, meaning ‘excellent’ for this  essay! It was compulsory to get our Parent or Guardian’s signature on all such test papers  or progress cards. I was overjoyed at having received such a high grade for the first time  in my life.

School  over, I ran home to show the essay to my family, hoping to receive accolades for  my fine efforts. My mother was the first person (and  thankfully, the only one) to read it.  Her face dropped as she read it – and with that, my expectations. Instead of the expected  accolades, I received a mild rebuke! You see, to a typical Indian woman, her husband  means everything in her life and she cannot tolerate anything that shows him in poor  light. It is just like ‘a king can do no wrong’.

After this, I did not dare show this essay to anyone, least of all, my  father. I quietly  took  my mother’s signature and vanished from the scene. That put an end to the dreams of this
budding essay writer who had secretly hoped to show the world some day, that he too was  a man – sorry, boy – of some substance.

 

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For The Funny Bone

Employee to Boss:  “Sir, in the office you behave like a lion. Is it the same at home, as well?”

Boss: “Of course I am a lion at home, too! The only difference is that at home, the Goddess  Durga rides the lion!”

Explanation: As per Hindu mythology Lion is the vehicle of Goddess Durga, who is also known to have a temper.

 

Arousal

On the river bank
Saw a pair of cranes
Deep in love
Necking.

In the middle of night
Heard a lovebird call
Playing on my heartstrings
That sweet musician!

Heart aroused
Putting aside everything
I ran inside
My eyes, an earthen lamp|
My love, the oil
Adjusting the wick
Lit the flame
Just to see
My  beloved’s  face.